I had a dream.

I was pregnant and delivered my first daughter named sage. She grew quickly into a toddler with the maturity of a wisened elder woman. Then, I was pregnant again. Now with what my mother told me was a son named Yew. I wasn’t as happy this pregnancy, because I would’ve preferred another girl. I wasn’t as gentle with myself either, and was rolling around on the floor, bumping into things. I still tried to make the best of it for the babies sake, but eventually my belly stopped growing. I started to freak out, overcome with dread that I had miscarried.
Last, I went to my families for a reunion and my younger cousins were playful fighting with real weapons. They become wounded and my mom instincts kicked in. I lead them all to the bathroom to get cleaned up, stopping in front of the mirror to check on my still-not-growing belly, feeling immense sadness wash over me.

I’ve always been someone who strives to achieve many feats. I’m an ambitious dreamer, with high hopes and intense passion.

Recently, I have come to the realization that this can only take me so far.

I worked at all of my dreams simultaneously, spreading myself thin across numerous projects and accomplishing little. I became distracted by men and used their enthusiasm about my goals as motivation to keep pushing myself.

I consulted a friend about my dream and she brought to my attention my natural motherly and feminine ways. I’m very comfortable in my femininity and feel close connection to the Divine Feminine. She left me with a question: What then, is masculinity to you?

As multi-dimensional beings, we are always striving for balance. We are both the dark and light, passivity and action, motion and stillness. I realized through her question the extent at which I was leaning on the feminine aspects of myself, and relying on them to get me where I wished to be.

I had to deep dive into my own heart and realize what the Divine Masculine, the balance, was to me.

I realized through this contemplation all that I was missing: simplicity, focus, support, and dedication.

I was not giving enough attention to one aspect of my dreams, instead attempting to accomplish all and finishing none.

I was thinking that by achieving all of these things and by striving, I would somehow be nurturing the Divine Masculine in me. In reality, I was confusing it, and not giving It a straight answer on where to direct its power.

What I find very beautiful about the divine masculine is it’s ability to direct energy, passionately and without wavering. It becomes completely immersed in what it’s holding. I see that a lot with the men I’ve been talking to. They’re very simple with what it is they know will make them happy, and they don’t do much outside of that.

That I found to be the basic foundation of the divine Him. He is driven to accomplish, but he has to know what he’s accomplishing.

The Divine Feminine is a mystery to Him in the respect that we females are accustomed to our multi-dimensional nature. Able to draw in energy from every direction, but the difficulty lies in figuring out what to do with all of this energy.

I see the harmony now, in my own life, comes from merging these two forces and allowing the creative feminine to keep creating and drawing in all these multidimensional downloads, but also directing most of the energy into one of these passions to avoid being spread thin. She becomes empowered by seeing her seeds come to fruition. Her children well and healthy, rather than miscarried.

Before this realization, I was scattering seeds everywhere and watering them hopelessly. I forgot to add the light.

What is your relationship with the Divine Feminine and Masculine? How do you see these aspects at play in your own life? What is it you can do to harmonize their energies, to better support each other?

Comment below, or I encourage you to journal about it. ✒

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