When I first met my ex, the energy was amazing. I could feel the uplifting energy as we connected and shared beliefs. As we began seeing each other more, I noticed that energy was less prominent. I started letting fear and insecurities suppress my energy, in turn suppressing the energy we shared. I was constantly over-thinking and stressed, trying to figure out the best way to invest my personal energy.
Is it bad to spend time with myself or friends when I haven’t seen him in a week because of work? Am I being “too much” right now? Am I giving enough? How can I make sure he knows I care? When am I going to make time for all of the other things I need to get done? All of these questions I carried with me constantly.
As a couple months passed and this continued I started falling further into this negativity. I lost touch with myself, my spirituality, and even my way of eating.
I recently had a day off work that I took to myself. I spent time getting to the root of all of these frustrations and stresses I have been burdening myself with and came upon this realization: I didn’t feel comfortable exploring myself because it didn’t line up with how he lived. In other words, I put myself and my passions on hold to make my relationship work.
This is all very personal, so you may be beginning to wonder why I’m telling you.
I aim to convey the importance of putting yourself first. You may be happy with something in the beginning, but that doesn’t mean it will make you happy forever. Things and others are temporary, but you are forever. If you aren’t happy with yourself, how can you ever be truly, consistently happy?
Here are some steps I have begun taking to build a stronger foundation in my sense of self:
- Release what no longer serves you.
Is there anything you have been holding onto that you know deep down no longer serves benefit? Something that has been acting as a weight on your life?
- Release fear.
Do what it is you know is right for you. Take a chance and fail. As long as you have your self and are doing what makes you happy, nothing is ever lost. Don’t worry about what others may think, either. Not everyone will agree with, or understand, your way of life, but that doesn’t mean it is wrong. Most people only comprehend what is within their own reality.
- Find what it is that truly excites you and chase it.
What are the hobbies you have always been interested in but never pursued, or put on the back-burner? What activities leave you feeling better than you were before you started? What gives you a sense of purpose?
- Build a community of like-minded people who will support you.
Being around people you love who love you back is so important to human nature. Did you know it reduces risk of diseases and ailments of the heart? Find a group of people who you feel comfortable to be yourself around. People you love and love you back that you can share a deep connection with.
- Take care of yourself.
Last, yet most important, always put yourself first. Eat what makes you feel good (not just what satisfies cravings!), drink enough water, and create a self-care ritual you can indulge in at least once a week. Take care of your magnificent body! Love and nourish it.
Get involved in a spiritual practice. If you aren’t religious it can be something like meditation or getting out in nature. Read/listen/watch things that inspire you. Sip on your favorite tea cozied up in a warm blanket by a fireplace. Find what makes you laugh and exercise those abs! Nourish your soul! I didn’t give this it’s own category because taking care of you body and soul are equally as important when it comes to self-care.
Treat yourself like you would anyone else you love. By loving yourself, you are opening that love to other people to be shared and experienced. Like a candle, the flame never goes out by lighting other candles. Feed your inner fire.